Deaf Pagan Crossroads

A good friend of mine, who is a licensed Mental Health Specialist and has a background in hypnotherapy, sent me an email recently asking an interesting question:

Can hypnosis be used effectively with someone who is Deaf or Hard of Hearing?

Apparently he got into an interesting discussion with another hypnotist who questioned whether or not hypnosis could in fact be used successfully in treating individuals who are D/deaf or hard of hearing.

I responded by saying that yes, I do believe that Deaf people can be hypnotized just like anyone else. In fact, I remember when I was a student at Gallaudet many years ago, one of my classmates was a man who himself was a Deaf hypnotist, and I remember watching him do a demonstration of such on a Deaf audience. It was fun to watch people doing different things while in a hypnotic state.

However, I do wish to clarify that what my friend is referring to here isn’t really the “fun and games” hypnosis that one might see done on the stage for entertainment purposes. Rather, what we are talking about is the usage of hypnosis as a treatment method in psychotherapy - using it to help people tap into parts of their subconscious they may have repressed, or as a way of putting them into a trance where they journey into their inner consciousness and discover new things about themselves.

I myself have had an interesting experience which involved the use of hypnosis to help induce me into a trance-like state in which I was able to journey to a safe place in my subconscious where I was able to have a conversation with two deceased individuals from my past, and tell them the things I wasn’t able to when they were still alive. This therapeutic experience brought me much peace and comfort, and helped to put closure to a situation that had been bothering me for some time.

Yes… perhaps the procedures used have to differ a bit due to the communication issues involved. As my friend - who is himself hard of hearing and does use a hearing aid - had to say

I myself am convinced that it can be done…that it is just a matter of innovation since the communication dynamics change a little, and thus there has to be an openness to changing some of the process which initially one was taught is the “right way” to do it.

So I would like to inquire of my Deaf/deaf/hard of hearing readership…

Have you ever been hypnotized? Have you ever used hypnosis as part of a therapy treatment? If so, what methods were used? Do you believe that hypnosis can in fact be used effectively with deaf or hard of hearing individuals? What would be some of the “challenges” involved, and how could they be modified? What methods or procedures would need to be changed?

I know my friend Harold would be interested in any information the readership would like to share, and I admit I am curious to learn what experiences others might have had with this approach. Feel free to leave a comment if you desire (you make make it anonymous if you prefer) and share your thoughts!

I look forward to Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Those are the days when I drop my client off at her day program and then head a few blocks over to Penny Lane for a large Cafe Mocha.

Penny Lane is a funky, bohemian-style independently owned coffee shop located in the Haynies Corner Art District in the historic area of downtown Evansville, Indiana…just a stone’s throw from the Ohio River and surrounded by old Victorian homes built in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s.

This coffee shop specializes in Fair Trade and Specialty coffees, herbal teas, fruit smoothies, and homemade vegetarian/vegan soups and salads. Everything is organic, and quite delicious.

But besides the coffee and food, Penny Lane is just a great place to hang out and relax. There’s comfy chairs to lounge in, shelves filled with a wide range of books, and original art hanging on the walls - most of it created by neighborhood artists and much of which is for sale.

And there’s the people. Penny Lane attracts a diverse crowd. At one table you might find a forty-something professional in a business suit, busy cutting a deal over his cell phone; at the counter a young man in his twenties, clad in a tie-dye t-shirt, baseball cap, sunglasses and flip-flops and sporting a large tattoo on his arm chats with a woman wearing a retro dress of browns and pinks that looks like it stepped out of a 1960’s shop window.

As I carried my large cup of chocolate flavored java (complete with a swirl of whipped cream on top) back to the sofa, my eyes fell on a small notebook sitting on the table. On the cover, written in black magic marker, was printed the question:

What do you love about life?

Hmmm…interesting question.

My curiosity piqued, I opened the book… only to find page after page of lists scrawled by various customers, sharing their own thoughts about life’s little pleasures. Some of their revelations were quite thought-provoking, some were rather hilarious, and others were simply bizarre. There were several I could agree with, and quite a few that gave me a chuckle.

But regardless, they all offered up a diverse perspective of humanity…and what makes people tick.

So without any further ado, I share with you…

Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness - according to Penny Lane

• I love the smell of fresh rain right after a storm
• I love kids who truly think they are superheros
• I love sleeping as long as I damn well please on a day off
• I love a really good Bloody Mary
• I love smoking on church steps

I love clean socks

• I love guitar callouses and rough scarred hands
• I love people who leave their Christmas lights up all year long
• I love finding that been-through-the-washing-machine wadded up dollar bill in the pocket of your jeans
• I love my grandpa calling passerbys “goddamn cockroaches”
• I love second chances

I love fresh sheets that have been dried in the sun on a clothesline

• I love drunks and kids…at least they’re both honest
• I love chocolate brownies with peanut butter chunks in them
• I love befriending a stray animal
• I love being busy with my hands
• I love great books, great art, and great music

I love the top down on my convertible and the wind in my face

• I love early morning coffee by a campfire
• I love my dad’s binoculars and all that they have taught me
• I love laughing so hard that you cry
• I love the way dogs pretend not to know how great they are
• I love the way that cats know how great they are…and act like it

I love seeing an elderly couple holding hands

• I love when I find out something new about myself, especially when someone else points it out to me
• I love banana pudding with vanilla wafers
• I love card games which involve a bunch of pennies
• I love questioning authority
• I love when a drunk guy comes into the coffee shop from standing out in the rain, and then sits to talk to me about how wet he is

I love the fact I was raised in a home of God, Jesus, and John Lennon

• I love you bent over the sink in those tight jeans
• I love smoking a joint in the tub
• I love running into people I really like but haven’t seen in far too long
• I love those little mom-and-pop diners and ice cream shops you find in small country towns
• I love people who give a damn

I love Fiestaware

• I love seeing all my relatives drunk at weddings
• I love corn dogs and candy apples
• I love the comfort of knowing you can handle yourself alone
• I love waking up with someone’s arms wrapped around me
• I love correcting pompous assholes when they don’t know what the (bleep) they are talking about

I love toddlers with their diapers flapping in the wind like little hiney flags, proudly proclaming “a baby lives here!”

• I love my Birkenstock shoes
• I love people who make the most of life
• I love when friends become lovers, and lovers become more
• I love having a full tank of gas
• I love the old lady that walks down the street wearing the most ridiculous outfit, but doesn’t give a damn

I love the moon through the trees at night

• I love openly farting and laughing about it…even at dinnertime
• I love people who aren’t afraid to get dirty
• I love tattoos
• I love making up after an argument
• I love having leftover tickets at a carnival and seeing the look on the faces of the little kids when you give those tickets away to them

I love the way puppies smell

• I love listening to my grandma’s stories
• I love feeling like I’ve accomplished something
• I love old ladies in flip-flops
• I love fresh skillet-baked cornbread
• I love the way children have a sense of wonderment about things that we adults take for granted

I love my friends who stand by me

However stupid I may behave

However lost I may become

However I let me down again

They wrap their arms around me

Making me laugh

This Saturday, many eyes will be focused on the Belmont Stakes in New York, as Big Brown, a strapping bay three-year-old colt, attempts to become the first to win the Triple Crown in thirty years and thus go down in horse racing history.

Big Brown will be piloted by jockey Kent Desormeaux, who rode the horse to victory in the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness. Kent has emerged in the racing world as one of the top jockeys of the past several years.

Kent Desormeaux waves to a cheering crowd after winning the Kentucky Derby upon the horse Big Brown

He’s also the father of a deaf son.

Kent’s son Jacob, who is nine years old, was born prematurely and later diagnosed as having Usher’s Syndrome - a genetic condition that causes hearing loss and progressive loss of vision. Jacob has been fitted with a cochlear implant and is taking speech therapy and auditory training; however, the family does know and use sign language also, as seen here where Kent’s wife Sonia signs to their son:

Kent’s wife Sonia signs “I Love You” to their son, Jacob

When Kent won the Kentucky Derby back on the first Saturday of May, Jacob was there along with his mother and his big brother Joshua to help celebrate - hollering “whooo!” and giving his father high fives. As Jacob’s grandmother Brenda described it:

It was so great to see him on Bill Stubblefield’s shoulders, shouting. He looked like the happiest kid on the face of the earth.

(Bill Stubblefield is a family friend.)

Interestingly, Kent himself has a hearing loss in his right ear… the result of a serious injury which occurred when he fell off a horse during a race and fractured his skull. So he does have some understanding of what his son experiences:

There’s the roar of the crowd, the starting gate rattles when they close it after the last horse is in…Hopefully, he’ll be able to feel those things, like I feel the ground shake when the horses are running. He’ll have to go to his other senses.

A happy father with his deaf son

As for Jacob, right now he’s just experiencing the excitement of seeing his father winning some of horse racing’s biggest and most prestigious events. After his dad won the Preakness, Jacob patted his mother on the shoulder and asked that all important question:

I wish daddy would buy Big Brown. Mom, can we buy Big Brown?

Unfortunately, Jacob’s mother answered with the typical maternal response…

“No… we can’t afford it.”

In this post, Ocean discusses the struggles of translating expressions from one language to the other, and offers up a challenge to her readership (scroll down to the bottom to read the challenge!)

Note: This post does use some language that might be considered crude and vulgar, but is necessary as part of the writing of such. My apologies to those who might be offended.

Now, before anyone starts misunderstanding things, I want to clarify -

This is not a post about having sexual intercourse with Lassie. We’re not discussing how to make love to your pet poodle.

We’re talking linguistics here. We’re talking about idioms. We’re talking about the challenges of interpreting from one language to another, and how something often gets lost in the translation.

We’re talking about screwing the pooch.

“Screwing the pooch” is an idiomatic expression; a slang phrase that means to make a whopper of a mistake.

Basically - when you’ve screwed the pooch, you’ve fucked up big time.

The expression became popular through Tom Wolfe’s book “The Right Stuff,” which described the early years of America’s space program (and was later made into a movie starring Fred Ward, Ed Harris, and Sam Shepard.) In the book, Wolfe uses the phrase to describe a major boo-boo that Gus Grissom - one of the original “Mercury Seven” astronauts - allegedly made while aboard his Mercury space capsule:

But now - surely! It was so obvious! Grissom had just screwed the pooch! In flight tests, if you did something that stupid, if you destroyed a major prototype through some lame-brain mistake such as hitting the wrong button - you were through! You’d be lucky to end up in Flight Engineering. Oh, it was obvious to everybody at Edwards (Air Force Base) that Grissom had just f***cked it, screwed the pooch, that was all.

- page 230 of The Right Stuff, by Tom Wolfe

From what I understand, the original term goes back even further in military history… but we won’t discuss all of that here - if you’re interested in studying more about this phrase, you can always Google it (see here for one person’s explanation of the term…)

My real question - and the reason for writing this post in the first place - is to ask my readers:

Just how does one go about translating this expression into American Sign Language?

Somehow I get the feeling that signing “f-ck the dog” wouldn’t be entirely appropriate.

I suppose the best thing to do would be to sign the concept of the term… in which case, you would probably want to sign something along the lines of “big mistake” or “mess up” (using C handshapes making twisting movements in a sideways movement.) This would certainly convey the meaning of the expression.

photo by ktpupp

And yet… there is something endearingly funny about the actual wording of this phrase. Yes, it’s crude and vulgar, but that’s its charm. It’s all part of the history of the language and its usage in various segments of both polite and not-so-polite society. Idioms and slang phrases play an important role in that history - they help to define not only the language itself, but the people who use it… their thoughts, their beliefs, and how they express themselves.

But they can be mighty tricky to translate from one language into another.

And it’s not just translating from English to American Sign Language (ASL) either. It works both ways. There are concepts, idioms, classifiers, etc. in ASL that don’t translate so effectively into English either. It’s not that it can’t be done, but English just seems like a poor substitute for trying to explain some of the rich imagery and the little nuances that can be found in ASL. Shane Feldman does an excellent job of explaining this in his post about Austin Andrews and the Deaf Ninja video - see DeafDC’s Deaf Ninja - A Benchmark for ASL Videos.

For myself, English is my native language. I didn’t begin learning American Sign Language until I was a teenager, and didn’t start using ASL on a regular basis until I entered Gallaudet at the ripe old age of eighteen. Even though I have been signing now for over 30 years, I’m still an English-thinking person, and it shows… I’m never going to be a top-notch ASL user. That’s okay… although I admit there are times when I look at some of my Deaf peers with a bit of envy, wishing I could sign like they do!

But more to the point - in the same way that I love ASL, I love English too. In the same way that I love the “emotion and nuance and minutiae detail” (thanks, Shane!) found in ASL… I love the play on words and the tongue-in-cheek humor and the imagery that can be found in the English language.

Somehow, signing “big mistake” just doesn’t cut it.

This whole issue came up recently during a discussion I was having with some hearing friends, where someone used the phrase - which got the rest of us laughing (okay, admittedly we were drinking at the time, but it still seemed funny!) I was asked how one would go about signing such a phrase in ASL, and must admit that I was left a bit stumped.

So once again I appeal to the readership… and I offer up this challenge to my fellow members of the Deaf Community; many of whom are far more competent in ASL than I am:

How would YOU sign the phrase “screw the pooch” - as explained above?

Interpreters… how would you translate this phrase if it was to come up in the classroom, or perhaps even during a lecture where Tom Wolfe himself is quoting from the book? Would it depend on the Deaf person(s) and his command of English? Would you fingerspell it first and then sign it? Sign it more graphically (i.e. “bleeping the dog”) and then follow up with the sign for “messed up”???

How does one deal with the translation of idioms and slang phrases from English to ASL?

Hmmm… something to think about.

Feel free to leave a written comment with your explanation of translating this phrase, or you can leave a link to a video showing how you’d sign it. Let’s get the Deaf B/Vlogosphere “screwing the pooch!” Just don’t mess up while you’re doing it (WINK!)

I like to collect pieces of art which have meaning for me, and oftentimes that meaning is connected in some way to my spirituality.

One of the reasons I became interested in the Pagan Path is because of its strong links to the Divine Feminine; its recognition of the Goddess and of the female presence in the universe.

I come from a family of strong women - intelligent women, independent women, outspoken women… women who were born before their time. My Grandmother Beach, who was actually born in the late 1800’s and didn’t give birth to her only child (my father) until she was in her mid-40’s, actually received her high school diploma at a time when few young women even graduated from grade school, let alone attended high school. My mother received her degree in pathology and medical technology at a time when science was not so popular a college subject amongst women. My other grandmother owned her own shop for several years. I’m proud to have such women in my family tree.

So naturally I tend to gravitate to artwork which celebrates women; which recognizes them for the strong, intelligent, beautiful human beings they are.

Such is the artwork of Deborah Wagner, who with the help of other female members of her family (both young and old) makes dolls under the title of “The Company of Women.” I own two of her dolls, which you can see below (please forgive the poor quality of these photos, they are taken with my Sidekick, so they aren’t so great):

As you can see, these dolls are very different, but they each portray that strength and beauty in their own unique ways.

As Deborah explains it

The “Company of Women” dolls were created to raise the awareness of the contribution of women and are dedicated to the many nameless and faceless women who quietly provide for the enrichment of the people around them. The doll is the symbol of the strength, spirit, and the very essence of women everywhere.

These dolls are one of a kind and represent women young and seasoned. They are the daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, grandmothers, and aunts from every diverse population. They are nameless and faceless and created to represent pride in being one’s self as a unique person of worth while being instrumental in nurturing families; and bringing laughter, faith, hope, consolation, encouragement, peace, pride, and joy!

I love my dolls. They are very meaningful to me, and they both hold places of honor on my shelves, where they are displayed for everyone to see.

The first doll I bought is shown below…

One might wonder why I would be attracted to such a doll, but she truly spoke to me while I was trying to select one from amongst the several Deborah had for sale. She reminded me of an Amazonian Princess - standing tall and strong. Or perhaps an African Queen - proud of her heritage, displaying her regal beauty for all to admire. I’ve always been fascinated by different cultures and ethnicities, and perhaps that explains why I chose this doll over the others, even though they were all equally beautiful.

Then just a few weeks ago I attended a festival here in the town of Newburgh, and Deborah again had a booth, where she was displaying and selling her dolls. I couldn’t resist, and thus I picked up a companion for my royal friend:

As you can see, this doll is quite different… and yet she is beautiful in her own way. Again, she was chosen because she spoke to me. In this case, I was attracted to the fact that she reminded me of water - my favorite element, and the basis of my spiritual name. She makes me think of Yemaya, “Mother Ocean,” the Yoruban goddess of the sea. I love the colors in her skirt and her shimmering crystal blue earrings.

These dolls serve to help me remember the many women who have come into my life over the years. Some I may know and perhaps even become good friends with; others might remain as faceless and as nameless as these dolls - but nevertheless, they have all made their impact on me. I honor them, and I celebrate them. And I thank them… for their strength, for their wisdom, for their beauty, for their love.

For being the women they are.

For more information on “Company of Women” dolls

contact

Deborah Wagner

dew137@yahoo.com

812/425-7760

The following is a copy of a brochure that was handed out at some schools, the author has given permission for this to be copied in whole and used again for the purpose of explaining Paganism to the general public. While this brochure is intended to educate teachers, etc. about their pagan students; the information contained in this article could apply just as easily to understanding the new neighbor who moved into the house down the street…

There Is a Pagan in Your Classroom

by

Suzanne “Cecylyna” Egbert

Copyright 2000

All Rights Reserved

(Reprinted with permission)

A student in your school practices a religion with which you may not be familiar. This leaflet is simply to give you information you may need to understand the different experiences this student may share with you, and answer any questions you might have.

What is a Pagan student likely to practice and believe? Because Pagans generally follow a non-creedal, non-dogmatic spirituality, there may be even more variants between Pagan religious beliefs than there are between denominations of Christianity.

The most commonly practiced types of Paganism are Wicca, Asatru, Druidry, or simply Paganism, just as a Christian can be Catholic, Presbyterian, or simply Christian. All of these are somewhat different from each other. Because of this, the following statements may not be true for every Pagan you encounter. However, there are some practices that are generally common among Pagans; the student or his parents will tell you if their practices differ significantly from the following:

A Pagan student will celebrate a nature-based, polytheistic religion.

A Pagan student will honor Divinity as both God and Goddess, sometimes with a feminist emphasis on the Goddess. One effect of this is that the student is likely to treat gender equality as an assumption.

A Pagan student will celebrate religious ceremonies with small groups on Full Moons and at the beginning and midpoint of each season, rather than with large congregations or at a set weekly schedule. These celebrations are often called ‘rituals’ or ‘circles’, and the congregations called ‘covens’, ‘groves’, ‘hearths’, or ‘circles’. Some of the items commonly found on the altar in a Pagan ceremony are statues of the Goddess or God; candles; crystals; wands; the athame - a blunt-edged dagger used as a symbol and not as a tool with which to cut; cups; cauldrons; incense; and a five-pointed star called the pentagram or pentacle.

A Pagan student may wear a symbol of his or her religion as an item of jewelry. The most common symbol is the pentacle, a five- pointed star in a circle. The misconception of the pentagram as a satanic symbol is based upon its inverted use by those groups, in the same manner in which devil-worshippers may use the Christian cross inverted. The meaning of the pentacle as worn by Pagans is rooted in the beliefs of the Greek Pythagoreans, for whom the pentagram embodied perfect balance and wisdom; inserting the star in the circle adds the symbol of eternity and unity. Other jewelry that may be worn includes Celtic knotwork, crosses, and triskelions; Thor’s hammer; the labrys, a double-headed axe used as a symbol by Greco-Roman worship of Cybele; Goddess figurines; crescent and/or full Moon symbols; the Yin-Yang symbol; or the eye of Horus or horns of Isis from Egyptian mythology.

A Pagan student will view Divinity as immanent in Nature and humanity, and view all things as interconnected. This often leads to a concern with ecology and the environment, and a fascination with the cycle of life.

A Pagan student will believe in magic, and may spell it ‘magick’ to differentiate it from stage illusions. This may include belief in personal energy fields like the Chinese concept of chi, and may also include the use of rituals and tools to dramatize and focus positive thinking and visualization techniques. It does not mean that the student is taught that he can wiggle his nose to clean his room, summon spirits or demons, or do anything else that breaks natural laws, though if young - like any child - a Pagan child may pretend these things. It also does not mean that the student is taught to hex or curse; in our ethical structure such actions are believed to rebound on the sender, and therefore are proscribed.

A Pagan student may believe in reincarnation. It is the most common eschatological belief held among Pagans, but is not universal. However, a Pagan student is unlikely to believe in either Heaven or Hell; she may believe in the Celtic Summerland, a place of rest between incarnations, or Valhalla, a realm of honor in Norse religions.

A Pagan student may call herself a Witch, a Wiccan, a Pagan or Neo- Pagan, a Goddess-worshipper, a Druid, an Asatruar, or a Heathen. He is unlikely to call himself a Warlock, as that is believed to come from the Scottish word for ‘oathbreaker’. And while a Pagan student may or may not be offended by the stereotype, she is likely to quickly inform you that the green-skinned, warty-nosed caricature displayed at Halloween bears no relation to her religion.

A Pagan student will be taught ethics emphasizing both personal freedom and personal responsibility. Pagan ethics allow personal freedom within a framework of personal responsibility. The primary basis for Pagan ethics is the understanding that everything is interconnected, that nothing exists without affecting others, and that every action has a consequence. There is no concept of forgiveness for sin in the Pagan ethical system; the consequences of one’s actions must be faced and reparations made as necessary against anyone whom you have harmed. There are no arbitrary rules about moral issues; instead, every action must be weighed against the awareness of what harm it could cause. Thus, for example, consensual homosexuality would be a null issue morally because it harms no one, but cheating would be wrong because it harms one’s self, one’s intellect, one’s integrity, and takes unfair advantage of the person from whom you are cheating. The most common forms in which these ethics are stated are the Wiccan Rede, “An it harm none, do as thou wilt,” and in the Threefold Law, “Whatsoever you do returns to you threefold.”

A Pagan student will hold a paradigm that embraces plurality. Because Pagan religious systems hold that theirs is a way among many, not the only road to truth, and because Pagans explore a variety of Deities among their pantheons, both male and female, a Pagan student will be brought up in an atmosphere that discourages discrimination based on differences such as race or gender, and encourages individuality, self-discovery and independent thought.

A Pagan student is also likely to be taught comparative religions. Most Pagans are adamant about not forcing their beliefs on the child but rather teaching them many spiritual systems and letting the child decide when s/he is of age. However, a Pagan student is unlikely to have an emotional concept of Heaven, Hell, or salvation as taught by Christian religions, though he may know about them intellectually. And a Pagan student will be taught to respect the sacred texts of other religions, but is unlikely to believe them literally where they conflict with scientific theory or purport to be the only truth.

A Pagan student is likely to enjoy reading, science, and helping professions. Margot Adler, National Public Radio journalist, reported the results of a survey of Pagans in the 1989 edition of her book, Drawing Down the Moon. The results showed that the one thing Pagans hold in common despite their differences is a voracious appetite for reading and learning. Pagans also seem to be represented strongly in the computer and health-care fields, so the Pagan child is likely to be computer- literate from an early age.

Despite their sometimes misunderstood beliefs, earth-based religions have grown steadily throughout the past few decades, and provide a satisfying spirituality to their practitioners. With the current appreciation of diversity and tolerance, more people now understand that different cultural backgrounds bring perspectives that can be valued instead of feared. It is our hope that as a educator this will provide you with the information you need to be able to facilitate understanding.

Permission is expressly given to distribute this article so long as it is free and used in its entirety.

For more information, contact the Pagan Pride Project Executive Director

Cecylyna Dewr,

at

http://www.paganpride.org

paganpride@paganpride.org

NOTE: While the above serves to explain Paganism as practiced by true followers of the Pagan Path; it must be understood that Paganism does have a certain “appeal” to many youngsters, who may decide to take up the whole concept without having a full understanding of what this spirituality is truly all about. Many Pagan adults (including myself) often become frustrated with the number of “wannabes” that we deal with on a regular basis. Most of these teens and tweens have no real in-depth understanding of Paganism…they just think it’s “cool to call yourself a witch.” They most likely are receiving no formal training from their family or elsewhere - what little they know often comes from what they see in the media (such as programs like “Charmed” and films like “Harry Potter”); and maybe also from reading books and websites. While curiosity is a good thing and exploration is to be encouraged, these youngsters should also be advised that there’s a big difference between real Paganism as a spiritual path, and the Hollywood hype they see on television and movie screens.

Not too long ago, I published a post here at the Crossroads entitled “Too Deaf? Too Pagan? Too Firewalking?” This post was written as a response to a comment which was left on yet another one of my posts here on this blog… a comment which I found to be rather interesting.

This reader was expressing some of his thoughts in regards to my post “On Being Deaf…and Pagan”, in which I talked about exactly that: what it is like to be a Deaf person in the Pagan Community, and a Pagan in the Deaf Community. Once again, allow me to quote this guy’s words:

Psychologically speaking, the response you get is the response you caused. It seems that, wherever you go, you’re pointing out your differences instead of similarities. With Pagans, you’re irritating them by saying you’re deaf and with the deaf you’re irritating them by saying you’re Pagan.

I have a pretty good feeling that you would do the same thing if you went to a meeting of deaf Pagans: you’d shove your firewalking down their throat and they’d accuse you of being “too firewalking” for their taste.

If you want a better relationship with others, blend in rather than sticking out. When you point out how different you are, people automatically assume you’re implying you’re better than them.

Hmmmm… interesting.

Now, I’ve always maintained a policy of allowing people to say what they wish to say about my articles, whether I agree with them or not. On occasion I might respond to a comment with my own thoughts - or allow my readers to respond by sharing their thoughts. Oftentimes I have found reading comments to be enlightening and thought-provoking.

Yes, I have some thoughts on this guy’s comment.

But I found myself more curious to discover what my readers thought.

So I wrote a new post and put it up at the Crossroads and asked my readership to tell me just what they did think about this guy’s comment. Did they think he had a good point? Did they think there is some truth to what he was saying?

This guy says

“If you want a better relationship with others, blend in rather than sticking out.”

I wanted to know what my readers thought. Is this is the answer? Is “blending in” the way to create those better relationships?

“When you point out how different you are, people automatically assume you’re implying you’re better than them.”

Is this in fact what happens when we point out our differences? Do people automatically make that assumption?

As I explained to my readers, whether I agree or disagree with this guy’s statements; as I said, I do find his comments… interesting. I keep looking beyond just his response to me and thinking about how this would apply in general - for example, a Deaf person in the company of hearing people. Should we keep our mouths (and hands) shut and attempt to “blend in” so people will like us better, or speak up (and sign out!) and acknowledge our differences?

I asked my readers to post their thoughts…

And they did.

I would like to take a moment to thank everyone who did leave a comment. I found them all quite interesting, and enjoyed reading them.

I don’t have room to include everything that everyone said, but I would like to share some of these “enlightening and thought-provoking” comments that were left, and encourage you to go to the original post as mentioned above and read the rest of them…

So if I understand this guy correctly…

When we make an effort to express our own individuality and show ourselves for being the unique one-of-a-kind persons that we are, we are just cramming “whatever” down everyone’s throats… when in fact we should just be making an effort to conform to the status quo.

I have a problem with that…

Thanks, JD. I have a problem with it too.

I am not deaf, and do not spend time with the deaf. In fact, Osh is the only deaf person I know, and it is through her that the struggles of the deaf community have become known to me. I like Osh… she is opinionated and not afraid to speak her mind. Sometimes, in fact, she seems harsh. BUT, that’s because nobody speaks their mind these days. Everybody tries to blend in, because it is easier, and more comfortable.

Awww…shucks. Thanks, Sunny - I like you too! Yup, opinionated is a good word to use in describing me… and I am definitely known for speaking my mind - which admittedly has gotten me in trouble at times. But you’re right… it is easier to just go along with the crowd. Dunno if it’s always more comfortable, but I suppose each of us must make our own choices as to what we are able and willing to deal with.

Nobody is required to ‘accept’ anything. That is the beauty of America. We all choose what we wish to believe. We support/encourage those viewpoints we wish to perpetuate. We find that in life which enriches us on a personal level.

But when confronted by a situation/belief/modus operandi that we do not find palatable, we don’t have to accept anything; we do have to tolerate it. We must because that’s the beauty of the world (universe/spirit) - that there IS difference. It is this difference that makes the world the place it is.

I don’t think I could have said it any better, Dave. I have a phrase that I use often when I am doing presentations: “Yes, I am different from you…but our differences don’t have to make any difference.”

Interesting thought… blend in… It is difficult to impossible to blend into a hearing world completely. And let’s face it, a deaf person who really tries to be hearing is then chastised or shunned by the deaf community. A pretty damn fine line, if you ask me.

Yup, Spiritwolf…too damn fine a line, if you ask me.

We have fallen into a pit of protecting our views instead of curiosity about others.

Sadly, I think you’re right, Quinn. And that’s a dangerous pit to fall into.

I don’t think he gave you or others who do the same enough credit when he said, “When you point out how different you are, people automatically assume you’re implying you’re better than them.” What happened to sharing personal information for the purpose of understanding each other?

What happened indeed, Alpo… have we turned into a society that no longer values that understanding?

I loved what my friend Gaylen Eagle had to say:

I have met you and I never felt you’ve tried to be divisive in talking about the white elephant that everyone knows is in the room.

My sentiments exactly, Gaylen. I can’t hide my deafness, and why would I want to? And since sooner or later others are going to need to know anyway, why not just be open about it and educate others, instead of tiptoeing around, refusing to acknowledge an important fact about myself simply because it might threaten someone else’s comfort level?

I never feel quite right with people until they understand my deafness. It’s such an integral part of who I am. In order to spend any quality time with me, they need to understand how I communicate..

I fully agree, Kim… I’m the same way. I think this goes hand and hand with what Alpo was saying above - that sharing is an integral part of learning to understand one another, and thus be able to effectively communicate with each other.

That comfort level was mentioned by a couple of readers, while others talked about how the way we handle our differences and present them to others plays an important role…

I think it’s entirely how one presents one’s differences…We should appreciate who we are and not feel hesitant to share that…As far as how others feel, in my own experience, I only feel bothered if I am getting the sense that the other person is telling me things in such a way that they think I would be more satisfied with my life if I practiced living the way they practice living.

I think my readers have a point here - differences are a good thing, but just as we expect others to accept our differences, we need to be accepting of theirs, and recognize that “one size does not fit all.” We must also accept that not everyone is going to feel comfortable with all the various differences in the world… we should practice tolerance, but we can’t necessarily demand acceptance.

The beauty of us as humans is that we’re diverse. I LOVE diversity and all that it means.

We live at a time when members of groups that were once marginalized are now sitting down at the table and joining those who have enjoyed privilege.

We are living at a time when self-identification is important - to let others know what and who we are, to build bridges between communities where there were once tremendous gaps, and in our diversity, find our common humanness.

Beautifully said, Kevin. Indeed, we are building bridges… and we need to continue to do so. We need to celebrate that diversity, not cringe in fear of it.

Kevin’s comment about finding our common humanness within our diversity rings a bell with something that Dave also said:

…learn how to respect and tolerate these differences of opinions. Learn how to understand that there is a divine design behind these differences.

In seeing others ‘defects’ as an interesting characteristic, we open ourselves up to the opportunity of understanding life with depth, meaning and dimension that we never thought of; that we are incapable of doing by ourselves.

And who knows - we just may find a new dimension within ourselves.

There were so many beautiful things said by so many beautiful people, all celebrating the differences that we can discover in each and every one of us. If I neglected to include your comment, know that it is not intentional… everyone had something of value to say, I simply had to make a judgment call about which comments to utilize for this post.

But in the end, I think it was Jeffrey who spoke for all of us:

Better Relationships: Superficial ones?

I think sometimes it takes sticking your neck out to voice the truths of your belief system, or simply your own being. In the case of being deaf, I highly dissuade others from being submissive to the hearing norms we are expected to work with.

Compassion must be had on both sides.

If we keep blending in, we cease to spread an awareness of evident truths and in the process nothing is shared but everything is black and white.

Life, at least in my own perspective, is about colors. Seeing things for what they are. True colors.

Better relationships, as I’ve experienced, are the ones that you can rely on to improve and expand these truths, your truths, our truths. If we did little to support how we really feel, we’d be weltering in a sea of spiritual stagnancy and the lies that abound would furthermore engulf us.

The more truth you apply to your being, the less there is the expectation of blending in and greater is the expansion of our awareness of the many colors.

I love the word compassion and the meaning it has. I may not be the most compassionate person in the world because I’ve had my own battles with the superficial, but in my sharing of my truths, sticking out, I have harvested wonderful allies of that compassion that we believe should be widespread.

Deep and down, I believe we’re already the same,..maybe some actually stick their necks out to point out how different we are because they (the normalites, the majority, the mainstream) have long forgotten that we’re really all the same.

Sleep.
Eat.
Breathe.
And yes, go to the bathroom.

We live together.
Our differences help us understand the colors of living.

There are many rays from the sun with no two alike, yet they are all derived from the same source.

I love my wife’s bumper sticker which reads:
“Well-behaved women rarely make history.”

I think that could sum it up for me.

Maybe I’m too radical.
Maybe I’m too crazy.
Maybe I am.

But Hello anyway…

I woke up this morning and checked my email, only to discover that I had a new comment to an old post - one that I wrote over a year ago, shortly after I first started Deaf Pagan Crossroads.

It’s a response to my post titled “On Being Deaf…and Pagan” - a post I wrote about my struggles of being “doubly marginalized,” so to speak. In this post I wrote about my experiences of being a Deaf person in the Pagan Community, and a Pagan in the Deaf Community. It generated a considerable amount of interest when it was posted and received quite a few comments. If you haven’t read it (or at least not recently), I encourage you to go back and give it another look.

Although this post still gets the occasional reader, it hasn’t received any comments in some time… until today. Allow me to quote this guy’s words:

Psychologically speaking, the response you get is the response you caused. It seems that, wherever you go, you’re pointing out your differences instead of similarities. With Pagans, you’re irritating them by saying you’re deaf and with the deaf you’re irritating them by saying you’re Pagan.

I have a pretty good feeling that you would do the same thing if you went to a meeting of deaf Pagans: you’d shove your firewalking down their throat and they’d accuse you of being “too firewalking” for their taste.

If you want a better relationship with others, blend in rather than sticking out. When you point out how different you are, people automatically assume you’re implying you’re better than them.

Hmmmm… interesting.

Now, I’ve always maintained a policy of allowing people to say what they wish to say here, whether I agree with it or not. With very few exceptions, I have pretty much left negative comments on the blog, removing them only when I felt they were rude, offensive, disrespectful… or just too damn stupid. On occasion I might respond to a comment with my own thoughts - or allow my readers to share their thoughts (I have a few I can pretty much count on to do so!)

Yes, I have some thoughts on this guy’s comment.

But… I’m more curious to know what YOU think.

So tell me, readers…

What do you think?

Does this guy have a point? Do you think there is some truth to what he’s saying?

Now, let’s take this beyond merely me and my being Deaf, Pagan, and a Firewalker.

This guy says

“If you want a better relationship with others, blend in rather than sticking out.”

What do you think? Is this is the answer? Is “blending in” the way to create those better relationships?

“When you point out how different you are, people automatically assume you’re implying you’re better than them.”

Is this in fact what happens when we point out our differences? Do people automatically make that assumption?

Whether I agree or disagree with this guy’s statements; as I said, I do find his comments… interesting. I’m looking beyond just his response to me and thinking about how this would apply in general - for example, a Deaf person in the company of hearing people. Should we keep our mouths (and hands) shut and attempt to “blend in” so people will like us better, or speak up (and sign out!) and acknowledge our differences?

I’m really curious to know what others think, so please do post a comment and share your thoughts!

~ Ocean